zugzwang

yep.. it came from James Blunt’s song, Goodbye my Lover.. hehehe.. I don’t even know how many times i had played it today on my laptop through my earpiece.. i don’t care.. i guess i wanted to wallow in the feeling that it is over..

bkt? marahil ikaw ay nagtataka kung bakit? ano nangyari? paano? akala mo ba xa na?? akala ko rin eh.. i guess there were too many things that were unsaid, unchecked.. i think right from the get go, mali na ang mga bagay-bagay.. i stole her, i stole her from her bf.. akalain mo gagawin ko un.. oo mali.. at pinagsisihan ko ito ngaun.. back then i thought, kung gusto ko xa ay hindi dapat iyon maging hadlang.. aun, jumped right in and stole her away..

honestly, i wasnt ready to have a relationship back then.. kht na mag-2 years na akong single.. i still feel na ndi pa ako handa.. pero dahil iniwan na nya ang bf nya at effective ang panliligaw ko, she asked me kung kami na ba.. napressure ako at sumagot ng oo, thinking na baka ndi na dumating muli ang pagkakataong iyon.. tsaka ano na lng iisipin nya kung hindi dba?

ndi nya ako kilala.. at ang mundo kong ginagalawan.. may mga panahon na nawawala tlaga ako, mahirap hagilapin dhl sa bc sa orgwork or acads.. minsan 24-48 hours straight ang trabaho.. non-stop at ang bawat saglit ay mahalaga.. akala ko maiintindihan nya, pero ndi, she still demanded tym to meet me kahit nagpaalam ako na mawawala ako in two weeks.. nakipagkita pa rin naman ako pero sayang ung panahon.. anu ba naman ung ilang araw na ndi kami magkita when i intend to keep her in my future..

i never got to introduce her to my friends.. wala eh, ndi ko naramdaman ung attempts nya to get out of her way to see my projects, my events.. hay naku, dpt xa ang kasalo ko sa tagumpay pero wala xa.. dpt xa rin ang binubulungan ko ng mga problema ngunit wala akong tiwala na maiintindihan nya ako to begin with.. i gave us time, believing one day bka maintindihan nya ako.. bka marinig nya ung mga bulong ko.. at bka we’d get to share the accomplishments..

if we’d share our lives.. nais ko lng na maintindihan nya ang buhay na ipapamahagi ko sa kanya.. nais ko lng makilala nya ang tunay na ako, hindi ung parating nakikipagbiruan na madalas nya ksama.. ndi ako forever sweet, aminado ako dun.. grumpy nga ako at times, loner nga ako at times..we werent friends to begin with.. i guess, i saw the end before we began..

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 7th, 2008 at 7:34 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.