zugzwang

complex relationships = life (not a thesis statement, maganda lng to start things)

1) hahaha.. hindi natin matatakasan pa minsan ang maguluhan sa mga ugnayan natin sa isa’t isa.. minsan nkakaganda na magulo ang mga bagay bagay.. it makes you think, it makes you wonder.. may thrill, may challenge to understand things.. when u do understand, things become defined.. malalaman mo yung mga nagustuhan mo, malalaman mo rin yung ayaw mo.. tapos malalaman mo rin ung mga bagay na hindi mo na pwedeng baguhin.. it’s either you want the relationship or not anymore.. at ang hirap malagay sa sitwasyon na yun kc by that time, nakilala mo na xa to actually know the reasons behind these things, eh marami na kayong pinagsamahan..

2) hindi pare-pareho ang mga tao.. at lalong hindi pare-pareho ang mga ugnayan na nalilikha sa ibat-ibang pagkakataon na nakikilala, nakasasalamuha, at nakikibahagi tayo sa mga buhay nila.. as a result, you treat people differently and see people differently.. halimbawa, pano na lng kung gusto mo maging ‘ganito’ ang isang tao sa buhay mo? tapos ‘ganyan’ naman ung mga kundisyon that revolve in your unique relationship.. can you force change to that person or do u simply give up what you want and accept things na ‘ganyan’ kayo? at ndi pla pwede maging ‘ganito’ (akala ko when you work hard enough, u’d, in time, deserve the things you want.. can you "work hard" on this when changing is that person’s decision?)

3) panu kung suitable ang sitwasyon na kinalalagyan nyo para mapunta ang ugnayan ninyo sa ‘ganito’ ngunit gusto mo naman maging ‘ganyan’?? hahayaan mo b na magpatiaanod ka na lng sa takbo ng ugnayan ninyo at sa dikta ng mga kundisyong sumasaklaw sa inyo? parang madaling gawin yun..

or the other wat around na: panu kung gusto mo ‘ganito’ ngunit ang mga sitwasyon ay hindi akma para umusbong ang pagiging ‘ganito’?? Do you give up to the fact na hindi kayo mapalad na nalagay sa stiwasyong kaayaya para maging ‘ganito’? Will you dare to move, run, and jump on all the hurdles that are in the way of making the relationship the way you want it to be? eh pano kung matapos ka sa kakatakbo at malaman mo na ayaw pala nya ng ‘ganito’

4:30 in the morning na pala.. i guess i should sleep na if i want to jog later =D i hope you all have a happy singleness awareness day =D or valentines for those na may lovelife

yep.. it came from James Blunt’s song, Goodbye my Lover.. hehehe.. I don’t even know how many times i had played it today on my laptop through my earpiece.. i don’t care.. i guess i wanted to wallow in the feeling that it is over..

bkt? marahil ikaw ay nagtataka kung bakit? ano nangyari? paano? akala mo ba xa na?? akala ko rin eh.. i guess there were too many things that were unsaid, unchecked.. i think right from the get go, mali na ang mga bagay-bagay.. i stole her, i stole her from her bf.. akalain mo gagawin ko un.. oo mali.. at pinagsisihan ko ito ngaun.. back then i thought, kung gusto ko xa ay hindi dapat iyon maging hadlang.. aun, jumped right in and stole her away..

honestly, i wasnt ready to have a relationship back then.. kht na mag-2 years na akong single.. i still feel na ndi pa ako handa.. pero dahil iniwan na nya ang bf nya at effective ang panliligaw ko, she asked me kung kami na ba.. napressure ako at sumagot ng oo, thinking na baka ndi na dumating muli ang pagkakataong iyon.. tsaka ano na lng iisipin nya kung hindi dba?

ndi nya ako kilala.. at ang mundo kong ginagalawan.. may mga panahon na nawawala tlaga ako, mahirap hagilapin dhl sa bc sa orgwork or acads.. minsan 24-48 hours straight ang trabaho.. non-stop at ang bawat saglit ay mahalaga.. akala ko maiintindihan nya, pero ndi, she still demanded tym to meet me kahit nagpaalam ako na mawawala ako in two weeks.. nakipagkita pa rin naman ako pero sayang ung panahon.. anu ba naman ung ilang araw na ndi kami magkita when i intend to keep her in my future..

i never got to introduce her to my friends.. wala eh, ndi ko naramdaman ung attempts nya to get out of her way to see my projects, my events.. hay naku, dpt xa ang kasalo ko sa tagumpay pero wala xa.. dpt xa rin ang binubulungan ko ng mga problema ngunit wala akong tiwala na maiintindihan nya ako to begin with.. i gave us time, believing one day bka maintindihan nya ako.. bka marinig nya ung mga bulong ko.. at bka we’d get to share the accomplishments..

if we’d share our lives.. nais ko lng na maintindihan nya ang buhay na ipapamahagi ko sa kanya.. nais ko lng makilala nya ang tunay na ako, hindi ung parating nakikipagbiruan na madalas nya ksama.. ndi ako forever sweet, aminado ako dun.. grumpy nga ako at times, loner nga ako at times..we werent friends to begin with.. i guess, i saw the end before we began..

Natapos na rin ang January.. kung saan napaka-busy ko to the point na i was over-stressed and over-fatigued.. ang bilis ko maging grumpy at muntik muntik pa ako mawalan ng isang kaibigan.. buti tapos na and can i just say, promising ang start ng february ko

tagumpay ang ujf (university job fair) na sinubukan kong tulungan.. bilang i had friends na i wanted to extend my support and that naging one of my projs un last yr.. i can say na this year was bigger and hats off ako sa mga ebic ngaun

i met up with my sponsor sa JPIA.. na-pig out na nya ako at mas malakas na xa kumain sakin ngaun wahahaha!! ang adorable nya kumain, bilang she did not care about her model like figure (well, model naman tlaga xa) at kahit 2 hours lng kami nagkasama, super na miss ko xa and i still do.. i super had fun tlaga being with her sana maulit ang mga bonding moments namin

tapos i went back to the study center i used to come to, called kapuluan.. they had this student conference, a series of talks and workshops na super helpful of us young adults.. im happy to see a number of skulm8s un HS in that study center.. and im happy na blessed ako with such an opportunity to develop myself through such seminar..

most of all.. wat really got me up writting 2nyt is a very special friend who would always seem to brighten up my day the instance she’d walk in the room.. ewan ko ba, kahit na i can never match her energy level or minsan malabo xa or ndi xa naniniwala na i understand her, i’ve always wanted to be closer to her and simply be there for her.. whether she needs me or not.. i dont know much pero i know im happy around her..

well there, got to do my to-do list for tomorrow gudnyt