a change of heart
ive always hated being alone by myself.. alone in my room.. alone in studying.. alone in eating.. alone in reading.. alone in training (for chess).. alone walking papuntang next class.. hate it so much.. hate knowing that i have no one to turn to when i feel like talking.. hate knowing that i have no one to ask what should i be doing.. hate to call the shots on my own.. hate having no one to argue.. hate having no one to fool around with.. hate being alone by myself..
but i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone.. i dont care how long it takes (if the person is late).. i don’t care if i look stupid (if we are supposed to wear something that only makes sense together).. i don’t mind it at all.. hoping that that person would walk in the door.. praying i don’t have to wait another moment.. wishing that id look good to that person.. i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone..
what i hate most is when the person i have been waiting never shows up.. forgets that we are supposed to meet.. and never even informs me that that person couldn’t even make it.. been there a lot of times.. being stood up and all (sa tagalog inindyan).. it ruins not only my day but even the rest of the week.. and you know what, it scars me.. and that scar wud last as long as i live.. i remember who exactly are the people who have done this to me.. and believe me id never forget that they have (done this to me).. there is a list of names printed not in the back of my mind but carved ryt down my heart.. that scar turns to a wound everytym my mind dwells in its memory.. it bleeds and all i could do is hold the pain inside knowing that what is past has passed.. i hate it most.. regreting even going into the trouble waiting for the person.. holding the anger deep inside my heart that beets like drums of war.. shaming myself standing (sitting if im blessed to find a chair) on that spot for hours and hours.. i hate it most when a person iv been waiting never shows up..
what id love, is someone to be with.. to talk to and to walk with.. someone who wouldn’t mind having lunch with me for the sake of just having lunch.. someone who wud laugh at good jokes.. and someone who’d take tym to listen to even bad ones.. someone who believes im happy even when im not smilling.. someone who’d listen when i dont feel like talking..
but what id love most.. is to have that person 
August 5th, 2006 at 11:12 am
awww…. hope you find that person…
i’m a loner by
August 6th, 2006 at 4:42 am
I feel lonely sometimes too. Honestly, I am alone now in the computer shop.
I can relate to your experience because I am left sometimes by my friends (naiindiyan rin). Well, I need those moments so that I’ll cherish the special moments. The moments when I’m with my friends who are there to cheer me up when I’m sad. The friends who did became angry when I did hurt them. The friends who are always there to accept the real me. The friends that accepted me as a person.
[Sorry kung medyo emotional ako ngayon, nag-iisa rin kasi ako ngayon e [ (T_T) ].
I know you’ll find that person when you’re ready. And when that time comes, you’ll find the person you’ve been looking for and you’ll appreciate it. You may not be aware of it but sometimes (and it really happens), the person you’re looking for is the person you already know.
I don’t know who you are looking for but I hope you will find that person too.
[Medyo mahaba pero pakibasa na rin. First time ko kasing mag-comment ng blog sa Friendster. Sabihin mo lang kung hindi kagandahan yung comment ko aayusin ko kapag hindi maganda. Kung ayos na ito, e di OK. 0:-) ]
I hope you will reflect on these comment that I have posted from my heart.
].
[ Madamdamin ika nga
I hope you did enjoy reading this comment (Mapadaan ka sana minsan sa blogs ko).
Bye.
August 15th, 2006 at 12:01 am
thank you so much sa comments
it’s well appreciated