zugzwang

at ngayon ako’y naririto.. humihiling na sana’y nakilala muna kita bago siya.. gaano kakulay kaya ng aking mundo kung kasama kita ngayon?? saan kaya tayo makararating?? ano kaya ang ating mga magagawa?? naging iba sana ang ating mga pag-uusap.. naging iba sana ang ating pinagbiruan.. hindi sana ako ngayon narito at humihiling kung nakilala kita bago siya..

ngayon hindi ko na siya kasama.. nag-iisa at mag-iisa.. maaari ba akong tumakbo papunta sayo??  hahayaan mo ba akong manatili kasama ka?? kahit na alam mo na ako ay lalapit sayo dahil nasaktan ako sa kanya?? matapos na iyong pahirin ang mga luhang kanyang dinulot gagawin mo ba itong muli?? tanggapin mo pa rin kaya ako muli??

madalas kitang nakikita.. madalas pa rin makakasama.. ngunit di na tulad ng dati.. maraming nawala at ngayon ako’y nangungulila sa awit ng iyong halakhak.. sa obra ng iyong ngiti.. naalala ko kung pano ka mag-alala sa isang kaibigan.. sa akin.. sana ay batid mo ang aking nararamdaman.. at sana ay ako’y iyong kakalingahin.. kahit na kasalanan ko kung bakit ako nasasaktan..

sana ay hindi ako nagkaganito.. sana ay hindi kita hinahanap o kaya ay sana narito ka.. sana ay  hindi ako humihiling ng isang panaginip.. ng isang magandang katha na dulot ay walang katuturang pag-asa.. humihiling na sana ay muling isulat ang kasaysayan ng kahapon.. na sana’y nakilala kita  bago siya

ive always hated being alone by myself.. alone in my room.. alone in studying.. alone in eating.. alone in reading.. alone in training (for chess).. alone walking papuntang next class.. hate it so much.. hate knowing that i have no one to turn to when i feel like talking.. hate knowing that i have no one to ask what should i be doing.. hate to call the shots on my own.. hate having no one to argue.. hate having no one to fool around with.. hate being alone by myself..
but i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone.. i dont care how long it takes (if the person is late).. i don’t care if i look stupid (if we are supposed to wear something that only makes sense together).. i don’t mind it at all.. hoping that that person would walk in the door.. praying i don’t have to wait another moment.. wishing that id look good to that person.. i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone..
what i hate most is when the person i have been waiting never shows up.. forgets that we are supposed to meet.. and never even informs me that that person couldn’t even make it.. been there a lot of times.. being stood up and all (sa tagalog inindyan).. it ruins not only my day but even the rest of the week.. and you know what, it scars me.. and that scar wud last as long as i live.. i remember who exactly are the people who have done this to me.. and believe me id never forget that they have (done this to me).. there is a list of names printed not in the back of my mind but carved ryt down my heart.. that scar turns to a wound everytym my mind dwells in its memory.. it bleeds and all i could do is hold the pain inside knowing that what is past has passed.. i hate it most.. regreting even going into the trouble waiting for the person.. holding the anger deep inside my heart that beets like drums of war.. shaming myself standing (sitting if im blessed to find a chair) on that spot for hours and hours.. i hate it most when a person iv been waiting never shows up..

what id love, is someone to be with.. to talk to and to walk with.. someone who wouldn’t mind having lunch with me for the sake of just having lunch.. someone who wud laugh at good jokes.. and someone who’d take tym to listen to even bad ones.. someone who believes im happy even when im not smilling.. someone who’d listen when i dont feel like talking..

but what id love most.. is to have that person

ive always hated being alone by myself.. alone in my room.. alone in studying.. alone in eating.. alone in reading.. alone in training (for chess).. alone walking papuntang next class.. hate it so much.. hate knowing that i have no one to turn to when i feel like talking.. hate knowing that i have no one to ask what should i be doing.. hate to call the shots on my own.. hate having no one to argue.. hate having no one to fool around with.. hate being alone by myself..
but i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone.. i dont care how long it takes (if the person is late).. i don’t care if i look stupid (if we are supposed to wear something that only makes sense together).. i don’t mind it at all.. hoping that that person would walk in the door.. praying i don’t have to wait another moment.. wishing that id look good to that person.. i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone..
what i hate most is when the person i have been waiting never shows up.. forgets that we are supposed to meet.. and never even informs me that that person couldn’t even make it.. been there a lot of times.. being stood up and all (sa tagalog inindyan).. it ruins not only my day but even the rest of the week.. and you know what, it scars me.. and that scar wud last as long as i live.. i remember who exactly are the people who have done this to me.. and believe me id never forget that they have (done this to me).. there is a list of names printed not in the back of my mind but carved ryt down my heart.. that scar turns to a wound everytym my mind dwells in its memory.. it bleeds and all i could do is hold the pain inside knowing that what is past has passed.. i hate it most.. regreting even going into the trouble waiting for the person.. holding the anger deep inside my heart that beets like drums of war.. shaming myself standing (sitting if im blessed to find a chair) on that spot for hours and hours.. i hate it most when a person iv been waiting never shows up..

what id love, is someone to be with.. to talk to and to walk with.. someone who wouldn’t mind having lunch with me for the sake of just having lunch.. someone who wud laugh at good jokes.. and someone who’d take tym to listen to even bad ones.. someone who believes im happy even when im not smilling.. someone who’d listen when i dont feel like talking..

but what id love most.. is to have that person

ive always hated being alone by myself.. alone in my room.. alone in studying.. alone in eating.. alone in reading.. alone in training (for chess).. alone walking papuntang next class.. hate it so much.. hate knowing that i have no one to turn to when i feel like talking.. hate knowing that i have no one to ask what should i be doing.. hate to call the shots on my own.. hate having no one to argue.. hate having no one to fool around with.. hate being alone by myself..
but i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone.. i dont care how long it takes (if the person is late).. i don’t care if i look stupid (if we are supposed to wear something that only makes sense together).. i don’t mind it at all.. hoping that that person would walk in the door.. praying i don’t have to wait another moment.. wishing that id look good to that person.. i don’t mind being alone waiting for someone..
what i hate most is when the person i have been waiting never shows up.. forgets that we are supposed to meet.. and never even informs me that that person couldn’t even make it.. been there a lot of times.. being stood up and all (sa tagalog inindyan).. it ruins not only my day but even the rest of the week.. and you know what, it scars me.. and that scar wud last as long as i live.. i remember who exactly are the people who have done this to me.. and believe me id never forget that they have (done this to me).. there is a list of names printed not in the back of my mind but carved ryt down my heart.. that scar turns to a wound everytym my mind dwells in its memory.. it bleeds and all i could do is hold the pain inside knowing that what is past has passed.. i hate it most.. regreting even going into the trouble waiting for the person.. holding the anger deep inside my heart that beets like drums of war.. shaming myself standing (sitting if im blessed to find a chair) on that spot for hours and hours..