zugzwang

it’s hard to believe na noong May 3 pa ung last post ko.. i tried so many times to update my blog but it seems so tough for me to finish my entries..  dami ng nangyari and i dont know where to begin my tale..

let me talk to you with the use of numbers.. and let me start with the number 18.. yes , 18..  i turned 18 na.. wala naman masyadong nabago sa akin with respect to my age.. i did not mature any much  pero i suppose because 18 na ako.. id get to decide na sa napakaliit na bagay regarding my hair style (cguro naman pwede na ako maglong hair)

18 ulit, 18 units ako this first sem.. accounting, econ, stat, soc sci, english, geol.. yan ang mga subjs that comprises the 18 units.. pero the story does not stop there..  may cwts ako which is 6 units.. and may varsity training ako na 6 hours a week (yep, im back to play ing chess).. in total parang 30 units..  tapos may activities pa sa study center.. so busy this sem and after ng two weeks ng class.. im so worn out na kagad ang feeling ko.. kapal kc ng  books sa accounting at sa econ at sa soc sci.. errr.. nevertheless i know how to read na these days.. i have actually been reading novels and stuff like that.. changed? no.. changing, definitely

2.. im in my second year in UP.. ive had this burning desire to study before in my life pero im sure that this time the flame won’t go out.. i can’t seem to understand why lately i am so fueled to study.. im not courting anyone as of late nor am i involve with a special someone pero i have this unknown factor that fuels me to strive further than what i can..  i can only think of two reasons.. it’s either in rising up to the challenge i have set unto myself or im trying to forget the feelings i had for someone who no longer is with me.. either way, though as of late im geting good grades.. i want to get rid of this drive this flame.. coz it’s burning me up..

41.. yan ang jersey number ni dirk nowitzki.. fave basketball superstar ko.. natapos na ang nba finals and sadly natalo sila.. kabado kc c dirk.. hahaha.. the mavs waited 6 or 7 year para umabot sa finals at ng nsa finals cla they choked.. hahaha.. its pretty much the story of my life..  i was once nsa national juniors.. worked so hard to get there.. but when the time came for the biggest matches.. id lose because im too nervous to think.. hehehe .. pero the past has passed and now it is different.. dati noon i had so many people watching me play, i had my team mates looking up to me, i had a coach that expects me to win and to be the role model of the team.. ngayon, its way different.. i stopped playing competitive level of chess for more than a year  and i have lost all that.. now, im an underdog.. trying to find my way   into the UP  chess varsity team.. its been two weeks  since ive been practicing with the team.. and as of late my record aint impressive to anyone.. ngayon, gusto ko  maibalik ung mga nawala sa akin..

15 ang next number ko..  15 minutes na kc malel8 na ako sa   next class ko.. hehehe.. next tym na lng